Pardada Pardadi India 2010

See Your Impact

See Your Impact profiles Pardada Girls and raises funds for the school

Click in the above text to read the wonderful profiles of the girls.

Creating dreams

Finishing up our India blog is going to be difficult, so I‘ve been procrastinating. It‘s hard to believe the time has come to return home. We have 2 more nights in this country, and though we are most excited to be going home, we are filled with so many memories and experiences of the past 4 months. We are most thankful that we have remained safe and healthy. Your prayers, and ours, have been answered.

We are at an island resort at the southernmost tip of India where the Indian Ocean, Bay of Bengal and the Arabian Sea meet. It is very peaceful and quiet here, and without any sunshine it seems even quieter. It feels like the perfect last stop. We are counting down the hours until we reach the train station in Wilmington. We cannot wait!

India is not for the fainthearted. These months have encompassed it all. It has been amazing, exciting, frustrating, overwhelming, and challenging, at times. We’ve dealt with dirt, stench and filth unlike anything we have in the US. We’ve also had so many great experiences we would never have in the US. We have maintained our sense of humor and have laughed a lot. It helps carry us when there is nothing else we can do. Mike describes India as being “otherworldly”, and it certainly is. In the end, though we are left with so many great memories, laughs, and well more than 2000 photos. Mike knows that I wished we had taken more, as we really did not capture it all(there is no way that we could have.) We have enough to remember what was most important, and that is the people we have met along the way. The Indian people are the most friendly, welcoming and hospitable of all.

We have finished our trip with an absolutely perfect week. We have been in Kerala, the southernmost state in the country- “God’s Own Country”. We have been on an overnight cruise on a riceboat, through the backwaters of Kerala, surrounded by small villages, rice patties, and lush tropical vegetation. It was so beautiful and peaceful as we traveled by quiet little villages of people in this remote area. The waterways are a busy place. It is here that people still wash their dishes, their clothes, themselves, and carry their water in jugs from the rivers, traveling in wood dugouts- the only way for them to get around. I suspect the National Geographic has captured the backwaters of Kerala.

We spent a night at Coconut Lagoon, a Conde Nast destination, and one of the “1000 places to visit before you die”. We have been fortunate to have gone to a few of the other places in this book while in India. Coconut Lagoon is an island, accessible only by boat, rich in vegetation and wildlife. It was absolutely beautiful. We spent 2 days in Varkala, on the Arabian Sea, with cliffs that drop to the sea, and a quaint, clean(a rarity!) village with lots of fun restaurants and shops. Tonight, we finish our dinners in India having at a floating restaurant, built on top of 3 very old fishing boats. We’ve had lots of great fish, prawn and lobster this week. We’ve been on more boats than cars this week, and that’s been a good thing.

It has been 3 weeks since we left the school. It is bitter cold there, so we often think about the girls and how hard this particular winter has been for them. There have been many deaths in the region due to the extreme cold. Many schools have closed because there is no heat. There is no heat in the homes either, except with cowdung fires. We miss the girls, the staff and reminisce about them. We have so many wonderful memories.

Mike and I spent 9 months working on our India experience, researching options, talking with lots of people, and learning as much as we could so we could have the experience we hoped to have. We wanted to do something about the human trafficking issue and learned that educating girls is the answer. We worked hard to put our lives at home on hold for four months, and were able to do that quite well. We had the love and support of our kids, family and friends and have been able to talk with some of you, thanks to Skype(computer phone). Since it is free to talk across the world, we don’t understand why everyone doesn’t use it. Technology makes this kind of travel so much easier than it would have been just a few years ago.

We’ve learned so much and have seen several different areas of the country- from the Himalayas in the north, to the desert in the west, the beaches of Goa in the south and Kerala. We’ve taken yoga and learned that it really is the same the world over. We’ve seen too many poor and starving people, begging for a rupee. We’ve loved 1000 children, in whose lives we hope we have made a difference. May the lives of these children who have the opportunity to attend school, be brighter and better than that of their parents.

Though they are amongst the world’s poorest, they are rich is spirit. May they learn that they can dream and have lives beyond what they can now imagine. And may God continue to hold them in the palm of His hand. Their lives are simple and they are happy, as they know nothing other than the life they live, just as their ancestors did centuries ago. The only difference between then and now, is through education they can begin to change their world. We hope they can begin to learn to dream, and that their dreams can become a reality.

Upon returning to the US, I hope to be able to share with you, as well as interested groups, our experience here in India. Mike and I are still two ordinary people, who dreamed about doing something extraordinary. We followed our dreams, instead of just thinking or talking about it, and it became our reality. We have a peace about having been here that surpasses understanding, and a joy in our hearts for having received the gift of touching the lives of people whose lives are different from ours in every way. We look forward to sharing it with you. We have grown to love a country in a way that you can only do by living in it.

I thank God for giving us the courage to follow our dreams...

Reflections from India

As you all are busy preparing for Christmas, I have been reflecting on the many gifts I have received during our time in India. We are in one of the very poorest areas in the world, very remote, with limited resources. We have learned so very much from these people, who are kindhearted, warm and among the most hospitable I have ever encountered.

Hospitality doesn’t mean pulling out the finest china and serving the best food and drink. It doesn’t include having to clean the house, arrange the flowers and spending hours in planning an event for those we love and care about.

In Annupshar, being hospitable means being thrilled that the Americans are visiting in your village. They come to your tiny one room home, with cow dung patties drying out front, while the naked babies toddle about, and small children in torn and dirty clothes roam unsupervised through the streets. The water buffalo, pigs, goats, dogs and cows are tied to trees, or pass by on the dirt road. Hospitality means going to the well to draw enough water to boil for chai, cooked on a fire on the floor of your 5 x 10’ house, built with cow dung. It means any of the villagers who happen to see you passing by, join the others to follow these strange looking people, welcoming us proudly to their village. We smile, say hello or nameste, and we become “friends”. Communication is limited, because until recently Hindi or Urdu have been the only language spoken here since the beginning of time. Words are spoken in the smile, a touch, or with the strange words we each speak that neither understands. It may be in asking to take a photo, then showing it to them.

Our hostess passes small cups of chai, invites us to sit on the only piece of furniture in the house, her parents rope bed. The others sleep on the floor. Preeti pulls out a package of cookies from under the bed that cost 10 rupees(23 cents). We know these are special cookies, saved for guests. We take photos, tell her how beautiful her mantle is(adorned with newspaper, cut with a scalloped edge for decoration). Night begins to fall so we must be on our way back to the school. We are so happy to have come for this visit and to have shared the hospitality of a people whose lives are unlike our own in every way.

As we leave, I pray that God will shelter them, keep them safe and healthy. I also pray every morning as the 600 girls pray their prayers in Hindi at the opening of school, and sing “We Shall Overcome” I ask Him to protect them from all the evils that beset a society where the abuse of women comes in every form known to mankind. As I scan the room where the girls gather, I can only imagine some of the unimaginable experiences many have gone through in their precious, young lives. I pray for girls born of rape, and those who are being raped and abused.

I reflect on all of the gifts that God has given to us, as Americans. They take on new meaning now that we are here:
-For not having to cut holes in my children’s shoes because their feet have grown and we cannot buy a new pair. Most children here, if they have a pair of socks, have holes in their socks big enough to put their foot through. My children had so many socks we would simply discard because they weren’t the right color, a favorite, or didn’t feel right. How these children would love to have had our throwaways.
-That my children didn’t die from typhoid, caused by unclean water, and no medical care;
-That I could help heal a young girl’s infected chin, infected since our arrival, by providing her with peroxide and Neosporin, and showing her how to keep the wound clean . She and I are now great friends, as she seeks me out every day to show me how her chin has healed. The scar will remain, as it was badly infected.
-that my children were not born undersized, or with developmental delays, because I lacked iodine during pregnancy. And, that I never had to beg for food to feed my crying, hungry babies.
-that in America we don’t have to sell our daughters into prostitution, out of desperation. The price? 1000 rupees($20US)
-that we don’t marry our daughters off to an older man, when they are 15, so they are no longer a financial burden. Parents are paid money for their daughters. How much are they worth? Not much, for many in this society. Girls are aborted and murdered here, simply because they are girls. The girls in this school are the lucky ones, for many reasons.
-for being able to bathe our children, in warm bathtubs, with soap, rather than at the community water pump, with cold water when the temperature is 50 degrees(it’s winter here now);
-that we can afford to eat rice. It’s grown plentifully around the village, but the villagers cannot afford to buy it. It is more than they can afford with an average family income of just a few rupees a day. Their diet consists of roti(twheat and water) bread and what vegetables they grow. Girls at our school are so fortunate-they receive 2 meals and a snack/day.
-that we have toilets, affording us the privledge of going to the bathroom in private, rather than on the streets;
-the our elderly, frail and in poor health, don’t need to sit, so vulnerable, on the streets begging from the poorest of poor, hoping to be given something to fill their hungry stomachs.
-that our river, the Brandywine, unlike the Ganges that flows through the village, is relatively clean and safe. Though the Ganges is the most holy river, it is a dumping ground for trash, amongst the cremated remains of the Hindi people;
-that our children don’t have to sift, barefooted, through garbage piles, hoping to bring something home to the family;
-for supporting our children through their schooling, knowing that education is the key to a better tomorrow. It is a major struggle here convincing parents that sending their girls to school, and not keeping them home to work and care for the other children, is in their best interest.
-that my son knows that women should be treated with love and respect, as equals, rather than as a piece of property, with no voice.
-that we will help celebrate Christmas here with the students and staff. I have shared with them that Christmas is the birthday of our God, Jesus Christ, and we have a big birthday party for him. Since there are no Christians in this village, having a Christmas celebration, is a big deal. We’ll be working hard for the next 3 weeks to make this a most special celebration. It will be simple, with ornaments(trees, stars, snowmen and snowflakes) made by the kids. We will give each child a new pair of socks and some candies.

I am most grateful that God has been with me every step of this journey. He is the reason for this season, and this year, being in India, away from my family and Christian community, I will reflect on the simplicity and reason for the season, without getting caught up in the mall traffic and the search for the “right” gift, for us who already have so much and really don't need another thing to live our lives quite comfortably.  I will remember all that I have, all that I have been given, and all that is yet to come.

May the love and peace of the season be with you. With love, Mary

Happy Thanksgiving from Pardada

Happy Thanksgiving to all! Though we miss our traditional Thanksgiving in the USA, our day has been one, for me, that has been full of much gratitude for all the gifts we have received in our lives. For the simple things, like being able to flip a switch and have the lights go on; to turn on the water faucet and have clean water flow; for good health that allows us to be here to be of service to the Indian people; for gender equality in the US that still does not exist here; for the financial wherewithal that provides us with food, shelter and all that we can take for granted. And, for all of you who have loved and supported us through your thoughts and prayers. And most of all, for our children, whom we love and miss dearly. We’ll be home before you know it. Thank you for the encouragement and support- Ian, Christine, Lindsay and Lisa.

Living in this impoverished region of rural India also provides us with daily reminders, not only of all that we have, and all that we’ve been given, but for the opportunity and privilege making this great adventure possible. We have learned how much we can live without, and how simple life is for much of the world.

Every day is action packed at Pardada which is why we haven’t updated our blog for more than a month. We’d like to highlight some of the happenings here at the school. Dewali, the festival of lights, which lasts 30 days has finally come to an end. The school celebrated the beginning of this festival, with an assembly that included fireworks inside of the school building. After lighting a variety of fireworks, shocking every American volunteer, the girls were given sparklers to light and play with. The staff didn’t understand why we had concerns about safety! Each girl was then given a large bag of sugar candy to either eat or take home. Because the bags are cheaply made(as is everything) they were breaking, so we wondered how far the candy would make it once they got on the very crowded buses to go home. Two weeks later, during afternoon snack, the girls were again given sparklers, which put a quick end to our class time.

Dewali ended this week, with school again being closed for 2 days. The festival ends with the people taking their final bath for the winter, in the Ganges. They say the water was freezing! This holy river flows through our village, so the festivities are endless here.

We have visited 2 villages where girls from our school live. The first visit was to the home of one of Pardada’s success stories, Preeti. Preeti attended and graduated, then was hired to work in the front office. Her little village was down a long dirt road. After many sharp twists and turns, we got out of the car and walked alleys, up narrow stairs, to her “rooftop” home. From this level we could see the roofs covered with dried cowpies, which they use for fuel. The entire inside of the house was about 5’ X 10’. We were invited in to sit on the only piece of furniture, a rope bed, where her parents sleep. The grown children sleep on the floor. We were served chai, heated on a small 2 burner stove on the floor. The mantle was covered with newspaper that was cut with a scalloped edge. Preeti was thrilled to show us her home. We‘re told that her family is among the well to do in the village, that her father is of importance. He is a farmer. It’s astonishing to see these people living as their ancestors did hundreds of years ago, and wonder what they think of their girls now going to school. Our arrival brings out all of the villagers, mostly men and boys who love to stare at us. I've never been stared at this much in my life.

The school is building a community toilet facility in the village that the poorest children(we fondly refer to as the “urchins“) come from. This is for girls and women, and will allow them privacy when going to the bathroom. It is being built next to the Ganges, on what is currently a garbage dump. Remember, there is no garbage pickup here, no designated dumps. We regularly see young children, and women, rummaging through piles of garbage, usually in bare feet, in search of whatever. They often compete with the pigs and buffalo for what they might find in the piles! It’s pretty bizarre to us that we are no longer shocked by so many of this kind of scene.

Last week, 15 girls from an LA(Brentwood) prep school were at the school for a 4 day visit. They were a very privileged group, so their chance to share in the lives of our girls and the village, amongst the very poorest of the world, most likely came as a great shock. They did a village visit with us, took a boat ride on the Ganges, visited a temple, and attended classes with the girls. The temple visit included being a village with hundreds of monkeys roaming wildly about, and a corpse being carried through the street to the Ganges for cremation. The sights continue to be of surprise almost daily.

The rat infestation at the school was overwhelming until 2 weeks ago. Because the computer room was amongst their favorite rooms, Mike was on a mission to kill them off. The computer wires were being eaten, the room was covered on a daily basis with rat poop. Because the Hindi people consider ALL of life sacred(this includes the rats!) the staff was not open to putting an end to their lives. The opposition was fierce, but we held our ground and insisted something radical be done. Because the school is surrounded by sugar cane fields, where the rats tend to live by day, we were told there was nothing that could be done. We insisted, teaching them about the diseases they carry, as well as the risk of having someone bitten. The whole situation was beyond gross, as this is one living creature I’m not OK with. Mike has had a few jump out of places on him, and I even got to encounter a couple myself. We even had one in our apartment at night.

The story ends with an exterminator coming in and putting out a powerful poison and holes being sealed up. That worked well, but the next day we went to the computer room and there were 2 dead on the floor. I went to ask the administrators what they planned to do with the dead rats, I was told that the girls needed to pick them up and throw them away. Again, we were not OK with this solution. So, the rats sat in the hallway for 2 days, until the day the prep school girls were to arrive. Back to the admin. I went and suggested the visitors might not take well to seeing the rats. They disappeared almost immediately. We again have made it clear that the girls should not be the ones to handle this.

After being here for awhile, I identified my purpose and calling. We have started a sanitation program, in order to reduce illness and disease. Since most of the girls have not used soap before, at home or school, they are going to begin using it here. We are setting up this program, by purchasing soap dishes and soap, and teaching the teachers to teach the girls about hand washing. We can’t do this because their English is extremely limited. Along with this, because of the great success of the toothbrush project we started last month, we are expanding to the rest of the school. The elementary school kids, will be brushing their teeth at school., while the older girls will be given toothbrushes to take home. 1500 toothbrushes have been ordered.

Many of the girls come to school sick. Because they receive 10 rupees/day to attend school, and because many strive for perfect attendance, they come sick. It also happens that for many, this is the only place they get food(2 meals and a snack a day). Staying home while sick means they may have to work. When the girls are sick they carry a washcloth, which they use for their noses. We’re learning to not shake hands with the girls with washcloths, to reduce our risk of getting sick. I can’t tell you how many times a day we wash our hands. We really hope the soap project will reduce the spread of germs and illness here.
Mike and I bought dustpans and brooms last weekend when we were in Delhi. They use short brooms, made out of sticks to sweep. The girls do all of the cleaning at the school, so they do lots of sweeping. They pick up the dirt(bugs, rat poop, trash, etc.) with their bare hands to throw away. This is obviously disheartening, so we have introduced another new concept- the dustpan. We handed these out today and showed 2 girls how to use them. They seemed very excited. We‘ll see if and how they get used.

Besides addressing sanitary issues, I keep very busy teaching English, and doing artwork with the little ones, as well as 3rd graders on a daily basis. I have worked with the librarian cleaning out and organizing the library(3 small bookcases with books), doing art with the older girls, and am presently decorating the newly painted(badly needed!) prep school classrooms with their artwork and a mural. In between, we jump in wherever needed. Our days are full and busy.

Two of my recent highlights have been watching the sheer excitement and joy in the face of a tiny little 4 year old, who didn’t have a sweater(it’s cold here now). Her teachers put a new sweater on her yesterday. Her eyes lit up, her smiled beamed from ear to ear, and she strutted so proudly. This may have been the first new clothing she ever received.

Another incident was with a 6 year old, Jaya, whose chin has had a sever infection and scab since our arrival. When asking the teachers about her, they appear to not be concerned or worried. Last week, I gave her hydrogen peroxide, Neosporin and cotton balls. A teacher explained to her, through me, how to clean her chin and put the ointment on. When she came to school yesterday, she came to me so very excited, to show me her almost healed chin. These are the things that make life worthwhile!

We are learning so much. It’s not always easy, but we are doing well anyway. We hope that we will have a small impact on the lives of these children, who we love, and know love us. That’s what makes it all worthwhile, and why we’re happy to be here at this time of our lives. May you all experience the blessings and peace of the upcoming Christmas season.

Chilling News in this Part of the World

These stories can be found in the news here almost daily.  Many women are murdered by spouses and inlaws, starved and treated like slaves. Old ways die here very slowly.  In the Uttar Pradesh state where we live there are only 883 women living for every 1000 men. 

Many murders are called "honor killings".  An honor killing or shame killing^] is the homicide of a member of a family by other members, due to the perpetrators' belief that the victim has brought shame or dishonor upon the family, or has violated the principles of a community or a religion, usually for reasons such as refusing to enter an arranged marriage, being in a relationship that is disapproved by their family, having sex outside marriage, becoming the victim of rape, dressing in ways which are deemed inappropriate, engaging in non-heterosexual relations or renouncing a faith.

"Beating wife OK, but can't leave marks"
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/world/middle-east/UAE-court-says-okay-to-wife-beating/articleshow/6771422.cms

"Possessed Kids", tortured and killed by parents and grandparents
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/mumbai/Possessed-kids-killed-by-parents-grandparents-/articleshow/6761533.cms

"Husband, In-laws Booked for Women's Suicide
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/ahmedabad/Husband-in-laws-booked-for-womans-suicide/articleshow/6876833.cms

"Bride found hanging at inlaws"
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/kolkata/bride-found-hanging-at-in-laws/articleshow/56091817.cms

"Woman murdered by husband, inlaws for lack of dowry"
http://www.dnaindia.com/india/report-woman-allegedly-murdered-by-husband-in-laws-for-dowry-2085174

The attitudes and laws must be changed in order for these horrific crimes, which are often justified, as a wife is considered to be her husband's property. Hence, he is entitled to do what he wants to her.



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The Toothbrush Fairy

It’s been a busy morning here at Pardada. Mike and I worked on our lesson plan for class this afternoon, teaching English. We have been teaching shapes, colors and numbers to grade 3. The children we are working with know more English than others in the school. They may be able to say words, but not know what the words actually mean.The kids love having us here because we do make it fun- colored paper, stickers, markers! Each class has approx. 40 children, who sit on the floor for hours at a time. The only classroom furniture is an old teachers desk. The kids are are enthusiastic and pretty well behaved.

Each day girls in the school are assigned, on a rotating basis,  to either clean for the day, or work in the kitchen for day. I am now waiting for one to come sweep our room(of the bugs and heavy dust that needs to be swept up daily). It's fascinating to watch them "clean", as they use the dirtiest rags and water to wash the floors, after sweeping with brooms that are about 2' in length, requiring them to bend over as they sweep.  They do not have much in the way of cleaning products here in the village, though we have found some that we do use. In the school, they use just water to clean. We were given a black glass bottle, with red printing, and a skull and crossbone, as a cleaning product to mix with water. I'm not going to even consider opening it!!!

We  launched a new project last Monday, in honor of my dad, who died of cancer in July. He was a children's dentist for 54 years, and had been looking forward to his retirement in August.  I brought 175 toothbrushes here, from his office, for the kids. The 150 children who are in the prep school(means they are learning how to be in school), which holds classes on the first floor of the teachers colony(75 in each room!) are learning to brush their teeth. This will become a part of their morning routine.  For most of them, it is the first time they've ever brushed their teeth. They are so adorable to watch, as they are gettting the hang of it and love the taste of Colgate, so some brush for a long time!  A few aren't so fond of this activity... There is resistance and some tears. They stand at a water trough(similar to what is used for cattle) lined with 40 faucets. The kids either stretch to reach for the water, or jump up and squat on the edge.  I love asking them to smile and show me their shiny, white teeth.  Thanks dad for giving these kids something so important- the gift of healthy teeth.

These young children(who we fondly refer to as either urchins or gremlins) were discovered in April in a village close to the school. No one at the school knew the village existed. Life there is more than primitive, so tooth brushing has never been on their radar screen. It’s more impoverished than the most impoverished villages. These children are learning to eat with a spoon, off of a plate, stand in line, sit and use bathrooms for the first time.  The teachers go to the village to collect them from their houses each morning, often having to get them up and dressed. They are progressing well, though the numbers have gone from 210 to 150(or 135) since April. It‘s hard to keep them in school here, so many incentives are offered- shoes, uniforms, food, transport. What going to school means to the mothers is that they lose their primary source of labor, or child care for siblings when they go to work in the fields. The value of educating a daughter? None, from what they know, so the school works hard to improve attendance with these little ones.  

Corporal punishment, either smacking or beating the kids is still being used at the school, and it’s OK! The volunteers are pushing hard to change many things , including that policy. They justify that parents do it and that it has always been done like that. There is great resistance to change, and they've not been introduced to another way. We volunteers are working to change that, and hope to teach the teachers alternatives to disciplining through corporal punishment.

An incident this morning…The wagon goes to pick up the kids from above village. A girl hadn’t been to school for awhile and when the teacher asked parents why, it was because she had been beaten by a teacher. They dragged her off crying, kicking ad screaming and brought her to school. She refused to stay, so she walked home, a long way, by herself. Turns out her brother had died of typhoid last week. Would they consider that her behavior had anything to do with that? No....

We have 3 house guests that are with us most nights. They happen to be lizards. They are welcome as long as they stay up high(we don't have much choice!). Our ceilings are 10’ so that is good. They eat the bugs! The creatures I have an issue with is the rats. Yes, the rats. Though I've yet to see any, we do see what they leave behind. I am struggling to accept them, big time! Rats are sacred in the Hindu culture, and have always been there. It's only westerners that have an issue!!! Ugh!!!!

We are next to a field that is currently being plowed, which really stirs up the dust here. Behind us are sugar cane fields, where harvesting begins soon. The people must grow what they eat, so there are fields everywhere, along with oxen that pull the carts, pigs that slop in the mud and open sewers, and lots of cows and buffalo that provide dung patties people burn to heat their houses, as well as build many of their homes. Nothing goes to waste here! People travel the roads, collecting the patties, so the roads are semi “clean”, in comparison to what they would otherwise be.

Tomorrow begins another week, with more experiences to share. Will keep you posted! Mary